My version of Mulan, only FUNNIER!
by Daxter127
Summary: You might remember this from Pride and love. This is really funny, not to mention THEIR WILL BE surprise couples!


MY version of Mulan

MY version of Mulan

By: Dr. Ripper Roo

Roo: This is MY version of Mulan. Surprise couples are in this fic here. Has TONS of humor,(Okay not tons, but there is some!) not to mention it is more closely based upon the movie. This story is HIGHLY dedicated to: Bearer of Courage, and Myscticjade. And now for the fic.

It was any regular patrol that night, the solider was making his rounds making sure there was no suspicious activities going on. Just then the scream of a hawk came from behind. It attacked the watchman from behind. Surprised he quickly went to the other side of the wall to see if anything was happening. A hook appeared, then several tens of more just like that came out of nowhere and latched on the wall. The guard quickly tried to make the alarm and climbed the ladder to where the "fire alarm" was. The ladder the guard had climbed was quickly smashed to bits. He then lit the fire. Other guards around saw the message and quickly lit theirs. Within a few moments a trail of fire was lit form one end of the great wall to the other. A mysterious shadow like figure came to the other side of the fire. The guard trying to act tough said, "Now all of china knows you're here."

The shadow like figure manacling said, "Excellent"

In the throne room everybody was bustling for they heard that Gengis Khan was in China. The general came in and said to the emperor, "Sir, Gengis Khan's army is in China, I will set troops around your palace."

The emperor said, "No, protect my people, remember 1 grain of rice can tip the scale from victory and defeat."

"Yes, my highness," the general answered.

In the Takenouchi house (the next day!)

"Polite, charming, willing to duties without asking," Sora was preparing to meet the matchmaker that day, "What other words are there to describe me?" Sora thought out loud. She looked out the window and then found out it was late. "Oh boy," thought Sora "I'm late!" Sora quickly jumped out of bed and headed towards the kitchen. "Little brother, little brother, oh there you are," Sora said as she reached down and petted the dog. "Say, would you like to help me in my chores?" Sora asked as she petted the dog. The dog barked with glea. Sora tied a stick to the back of the dog's collar then a bone tied to the other end of the stick. She also tied a ripped bag of seeds to the collar, so where ever the dog went, it would leave a trail of seeds. Sora gave a little pat on the butt and the dog ran off. She then headed to the shrine dedicated to her ancestors.

"Please, let my daughter Sora make a good impression towards the matchmaker," Mr. Takenouchi prayed. Little brother ran around Sora's dad and chickens came into the shrine room. Mr. Takenouchi headed out and ran into Sora. "Sora, what are you doing here, you should get going," Mr. Takenouchi said. "The doctor said you should have 3 cups of tea every day," Sora said informatively. "You must go, you might be late," Mr.Takenouchi begged. "Don't worry, I'm on my way," Sora said reassuringly. She then turned quickly got on her horse and left. "Oh well, I might as well go and pray some more."

"Of all the days to be late, why this one?" asked Mrs.Takenouchi as if some one would answer her question. 

"Who needs to worry?" asked grandma, "I got myself a lucky cricket, and what better way to test it out than to cross that intersection with my eyes closed." She said smugly. 

"Grandma, NO!" Mrs.Takenouchi yelled, but it was too late. Grandma had closed her eyes and started to cross the road. Horses and people who pulled carts soon collided trying to dodge Grandma. When she opened her eyes she said, "Yup, this one is a lucky one!" Groans could be heard from the people who had just crashed.

"Present," Sora said as she jumped off her horse. 

"It's about time you know," Mrs.Takenouchi said. And together they walked inside to get ready for the matchmaker.

"What do you mean I got to marry!?" Matt questioned his father. The Ishidas were the 2nd most powerful family in China. Though the parents were divorced, the brothers liked to visit each other very often.

"Son, don't make it any harder than it really is," Mr. Ishida shot back.

"You're telling me that I have to marry a girl whom which I don't know and like?!" Matt said angrily.

"It's for the good of the family," Mr.Ishida tried reasoning with him.

"You're telling me that MY marriage is an investment for you so that I end up like you and mom!?" Matt said irritability.

"You don't EVER try comparing that to Your parents!" Mr. Ishida screamed.

"Hi guys, how's it going," T.K. said cheerfully. The two men shot ice freezing glances that sent a cold chill up T.K.'s back.

"Okay, I just leave and let you 2 discuss about whatever you were talking about," T.K. said sheepishly as he closed the door. 

"I'm going with T.K.," Matt said hotly, and he exited the room by slamming the door.

"What was going on back there?" T.K. asked curiously.

"Nothing of your business," Matt said coldly.

"Let me guess, it's about that marriage thing," T.K. replied smartly.

"How do you know?" Matt asked.

"Everybody here could hear you two argue," T.K. said.

"Oh, in that case, let's run away," Matt whispered into T.K.'s ear. T.K. was shocked, why his brother has never done a thing like that before. 

"But why?" T.K. asked.

"Do you want to marry some ditzy girl you don't even love or know? Come with me, we'll have a blast in the city until I cool down a bit," Matt said.

"That's for you. Then again I could get out of here and have some fun and meet some pretty girls," T.K. replied smartly.

"Well, glad that's settled. First thing's first, I'll get some commoner's for the both of us. As for you, you'll take care of the food, and don't forget to get enough food for the both of us that would last a few days," Matt said as matter of factly.

"But where are we going?" T.K. asked.

"I don't know, but where ever we're going, we're going far away from this place." Matt said as he was looking out the window. As soon as that the both of them quickly got everything ready.

Mimi was quickly upset when she heard that she had to marry a man she didn't love. Unlike Matt who had thought of what he was going to do, Mimi just ran out of the palace. She ran as far as she could and tried to resist the elements as the best as she could. Her weak body gave away to the elements it wasn't till a mysterious pair that saved her.

Sora was dressed and had make-up applied to her. Her Grandma had given her the cricket for good luck. Sora caught up with the other ladies who were waiting for the matchmaker. 

"Takenouchi, Sora" the matchmaker called out.

"Here!" Sora said.

"Speaking without permission," the matchmaker marked down.

Sora followed the matchmaker inside and the doors closed with a huge BOOM!

"Hm, skinny waist, short red hair, thin arms, shows rebellion," the matchmaker wrote down. As for the cricket, he opened the cage and got out.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" the matchmaker asked.

Sora read quickly opened her fan and started to fan herself as she read the words she had written on her arm. "I'm quiet, willing to do orders without question, charming, willing to do for what is best for the family," Sora said.

The matchmaker grabbed Sora's arm and looked at the fan, both sides.

"Well, that was quite a comeback," the matchmaker said as she put her two fingers and made a "inky beard". 

"We will now practice the tea time routine. You first pour the tea quietly and with out spilling it," the matchmaker babbled on how to pour the tea. It was Sora how realized their was Cricket in one of the cups, and it was taking a hot bath.

"And now I drink the tea," the matchmaker said before she got a sip.

"You wouldn't want to do that," Sora advised. The matchmaker wouldn't listen, Sora tried pulling the cup back and the both of them were now pulling on the cup until Sora let go. The matchmaker fell back into a little fire and before you know it she had her rear end on fire. 

"Put it out, put it out!" she screamed running around in circles. Sora took out her fan and tried fanning it out, but to her avail that just got the flame bigger. The matchmaker soon opened the doors and screamed "PUT IT OUT!!!!" 

The matchmaker soon stopped dropped and rolled, which eventually put the fire out. Sora quickly walked out of the house as if nothing had happened. As for cricket, he jumped in his cage and closed the door shivering with fear.

The matchmaker said "Sora, you are a disgrace! YOU will bring DISHONOUR to YOUR family!" With that she closed the doors with a heavy THUD!

"Somebody ought to pour hot bean curd down HER dress," grandma said with a remark. As for Sora, she didn't know what to say to her dad.

As Sora entered her house compound, there was her dad, gleaming with pride. Sora hid her face her horse, Chiang Li. She went inside and washed her self up and dressed into her daily attire. She went to her garden and sat underneath the Blossom Tree. (I'm sorry, I don't know my trees!)

Sora's dad struggled to come towards her with his crutch in his arm and sat down next to here. 

"So, how was the meeting with the matchmaker?" Sora's dad asked trying to strike up a conversation.

"Don't even want to talk about it," Sora said sadly. 

"Look Sora, all the flowers have bloomed, all except for that one. But when it blooms, it would be the prettiest flower ever," Sora's dad said with a comforting tone, "Sora, you just being a daughter for me is all the honor I need from you." He said as he gave Sora a hug.

There was a trumpet sound. Everybody in the village came to see what the commotion was. It was Emperor Gennai's secretary, Lu Fang, and the General. "There must be a war going on," Sora said to herself.

"From the Lee family," Lu said.

"I'll go," Bruce said.

"From Chan family," Lu said again.

"I'll go in my father's place," Jackie said.

"From the Takenouchi family," Lu said snobbishly.

"NO! My father can't go! He has served the army once, isn't that enough?!" Sora pleaded.

"Back off puny girl," Lu said snobbishly once again. Sora backed off scared. Mr.Takenouchi gave his crutch to his wife and walked boldly, and courageously towards the scroll in front of him.

"Dad, don't do it!" Sora pleaded.

"Sora, you dishonor me," Mr. Takenouchi said coldly. He walked towards the scroll and took it. Once inside the compound he collapsed in pain because of his injured leg long back.

Sora just stood there and everybody went back to their normal activities before the Imperial Guards came. Then a hand came on her shoulder. Sora flinched and quickly turned around. There was a boy her age who had brown messy hair and chocolate eyes.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, just a bad day at the matchmaker," Sora said blushing madly.

"I'm Tai Kamiya, what's your name?" he asked politely.

"I'm Sora-" Sora was cut off when Tai heard his father calling him.

"Don't worry, I'll come back," Tai said. He turned around and headed towards where his father was. 

"Well," Sora thought to herself "At least my day wasn't THAT bad." 

When Tai got home, he was hanging out with is best friend, Davis. Those have been like brothers since when they first met. They always shared all their problems, secrets, and helped each other study. Though Davis used to have a crush on Kari, he gave up on her because she would pay attention to him. Ever since after giving up on Kari, he went after another cute girl named Kayla whose family owned a bakery shop. Now he and Kari are "okay" friends. There is one thing people often mistake about Davis and Tai; they often mistake them as brothers. Kari says that they're like long lost brothers and have everything in common except the hairstyle. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, Tai was back home hanging out with his friend Davis, they were near the local village pond. 

"Hellooooooooo, anybody home?" Davis waved his hand in front of Tai. Obviously Tai was daydreaming about Sora.

"Oh, um, I didn't fall asleep, I was closing my eyes," Tai quickly said.

"Hey, I didn't know you go to school while you daydream," Davis said mockingly.

"Ha, ha, that was really funny," Tai said sarcastically.

"What were you thinking anyway?" Davis asked curious to know.

"Something you won't understand," Tai said.

"What do ya mean I won't understand, we've been through everything, you know, love, tests, girls, and whole lot of other things," Davis replied smartly.

"Oh all right, you see I meet this girl in a nearby village. She was really beautiful, without makeup, and looks like she had a bad day at the matchmaker," Tai said informatively, "And her name was Sora, I couldn't here the last name cause I had to go."

"Nearby village huh? Looks like you should make the moves on her, because I'M the matchmaker and you two JUST HAVE to be married, after the war that is," Davis said in a very bad snobbish accent.

"Why you little…" Tai was about to toss Davis in when this remark hit them.

"Captain Tai, is that how you'll treat Lt. Davis," Kari said smartly. 

Tai and Davis just stared at Kari.

"Tai, it's a trick, like last time!" Davis warned Tai. You see, back when they were little kids, Kari called them captains, which they both thought they were. They made fools of them selves and the town laughed at them, in which they both deserved the nicknames "Soon to be captains"

"Very funny Kari, besides Yolie with you, who is that other girl?" Tai asked.

"Oh, this girl, her name is Mimi Fa," Yolie said informality. The reason Mimi told Yolie her fake last name is so Mimi isn't sent back to her parents.

"Well, take her home and treat her up," Tai said with that Captain thing coming over his head.

"Tai, I was wondering, if Mimi could be a assistant nurse with, Yolie, Dr. Joe, and me?" Kari asked hopefully.

"Oh all right, the more assistants the better, and tell her it would be no easy job to slack on," Tai said as he turned around.

"Your brother's cute," Mimi said to Kari, unfortunately Davis overheard her.

"Hey, hands off Tai, he's off after some cute girl," Davis said obnoxiously.

"You obnoxious jerk!" Mimi shot back.

"Please, if must insult me, use NEW words, and another thing, "obnoxious jerk" describes me and Tai, but I ought to go now, it's dinner time!" Davis said smartly as he turned around and headed home. Mimi was furious, it was Yolie that helped her cool down.

"Don't worry, you'll soon learn to love that obnoxious personality of his and Tai's," Yolie said coolly.

"Matt, I've really got to go!" T.K. said urgently.

"T.K., whoever said for you to drink 5 gallons of water before we left?" Matt asked quite annoyed, "Fine, we as well camp here for tonight!" Matt said as he pointed to a spot. T.K. quickly went and did his manly business.

They set up a camp except for ONE major thing T.K. forgot: the FOOD!

"Hey T.K., where's the food?" Matt asked.

"I thought YOU brought the food!" T.K. shot back.

"Well, at least I got the tent set up, and besides how much worse can it get?" Matt asked. As if on cue thunder boomed and lightning flashed. The both of them quickly head into the tent. Just then the tent collapsed on the both of them.

"Some tent," T.K. commented.

"Oh shut up!" Matt said. And it was raining; Matt and T.K. fell asleep, very hungry and cold.

At the Takenouchi household there was a silent dinner. The sounds were Sora pouring some tea. It was her who broke the silence.

"I don't see why you have to go!" Sora blurted out. 

"It is an honor to serve the emperor," Mr. Takenouchi said calmly.

"You'll get killed!" Sora shot back.

"It is an honor to die for the emperor," Mr. Takenouchi said coolly.

"So you're telling me you're willing to go on a suicide mission in which the chances of you coming back is 1 out of never! What about us! Your family! Don't even think about us!" Sora said as tears were filling her eyes.

"You are my daughter! You will do as I say and my decision is FINAL!" Mr.Takenouchi yelled at his daughter. Sora quickly turned and ran outside of the house crying. Mr.Takenouchi was still fuming, no dared to talk or make any rude noise.

Sora was outside underneath the great Wargreymon statue, wondering what she should do. It was cloudy that night, and it was a half moon too. Sora knew if her father went to war he would never come back. She had no idea what to do, until it struck her. She would go as a male solider; she knew it was risky, but she had to take a chance. She went to the room where her father had all his armor and the Takenouchi sword, which was a dragon, but before she could do that she went to the shrine house and worshipped her ancestors for good luck and safety. Sora then walked ever so cautiously into her parents bedroom, she took her comb in her hair and switched it with the scroll to enter the training camp. She then entered where her father stored his armor. She took the sword, then with a quick flash she cut her hair. (She had a haircut pretty much like Ken's) She put the armor on and went to the stables, thunder flashed and Chiang Li was frightened by the unfamiliar image and reared wildly. Sora ran to the horse and soothed and calmed it down. She got on the and without looking back she made Chiang Li run at full gallop out of the house. The thunder boomed, the doors slammed "SORA'S GONE!" yelled Grandma. Mr. Takenouchi alarmed quickly took a look at where he left the scroll for the Training Camp. 

"Oh no," he mumbled. He quickly ran outside yelling Sora, Sora come back!

"Ancestors hear our prayers, please keep Sora safe," Grandma prayed in the darkest hour of the night.

(Okay, not many Funny parts are there? Don't worry, here's some stuff that ought to make you smile! J) 

The light from the half moon shined it ways in, the tombstone of the oldest ancestor glimmered like a million diamonds.

"Ah, this feels refreshing," Gennai complemented as he stretched out. (This is the older Gennai!)

"Veemon awaken!" Gennai said as he pointed to Veemon. There was a bright flash, smoke hovered from the place until…

"I'm aliveeeeeeeee," Veemon said as he imitated the old Frankenstein being brought to life.

"Veemon, awaken the other spirits," Gennai ordered.

"Yes sir, one dead family reunion coming right up!" Veemon said, "All right, come on people, beauty sleep's over, come on, you know the drill, better wake up before it gets any worse!" Veemon yelled as he banged the gong.

"My, my, I was having a great dream and sleep until you HAD to wake me up!" Mummymon complained, "Oh my dear wife Arukenimon, you look beauty-" Mummymon was cut off with Arukenimon elbowing him in the stomach. 

"I guess your still that grumpy person in the morning type," Mummymon wheezed out.

"Relatives, there is a reason I called out here this night. Sora has runaway to the training camp," Gennai said as he informed every one. Everyone gasped.

"I knew that girl was trouble!" Shelly said.

"This is bad, very bad! If they find out Sora is a girl we'll lose the farm, respect, money, and most of all RESPECT!" Ebenezer the geek said with panic.

"This is all your fault Mummymon, the genes came from YOUR side of the family!" Arukenimon accused. 

"Well, if the genes came from MY side her bra and pantyhose came from YOUR side!" Mummymon shot back.

"There is no reason to accuse on another, my plan is simple: We'll send one of the guardian gods after Sora," Gennai said calmly, "We'll send the most-"

"Quickest"

"Fastest"

"Cunning" everyone blurted out those three. 

"No, we'll send the most powerful of them all we'll send-" Gennai was once again cutoff.

"Me," Veemon said as he got on one of the stands and pointed to himself.

Everybody cracked up and started laughing.

"What, what?" Veemon said quite annoyed.

"If we were wanting to KILL Sora, why not?" Mummymon said laughing like crazy.

"You're going to bring Sora back in several PIECES!" Ebenezer said laughing his head off.

"Well why not?" Veemon asked.

"I'm sure you know what happened to Puppetmon," Gennai said with a grin on his face.

"His head was cleanly cut off!" Mummymon yelled as he pointed his cane towards Puppetmon.

"Yeah, thanks a lot for letting my head fly," Puppetmon said sarcastically.

"Well, where was I? Oh yes, we're going to send the great Wargreymon,

AND Veemon will respectively wake him up," Gennai said while everybody gave Veemon a cold hard stare.

"Can I have one more chance?" Veemon asked hopefully. Arukenimon kicked Veemon hard in the nuts, which sent him flying towards the Wargreymon statue.

"What about my gong and a another chance?" Veemon asked hopefully.

Gennai threw the gong like a discus which hit Veemon squarely in the chin. 

"What about that stick thingy and another chance?" Veemon asked again. Mummymon threw the gong stick so precise that it hit Veemon straight on with the forehead.

"I'll take those both no's" Veemon said quite hurt. Veemon got up and climbed the Wargreymon statue until he reached the head.

"Okay Mr. Tough, time to wake up!" Veemon yelled as he banged the gong as loud as he could. Veemon quite annoyed then started banging the gong on the statue's head. To all of his avail a piece of the statue fell off.

"Oh look, a piece fell off, so what?" Veemon said quite pissed off, "Wait a minute, this is an old fragile stone statue!" Veemon exclaimed when he finally found out his mistake. Then the statue crumbled beneath Veemon's feet.

"Wargreymon, have you awakened?" Gennai asked. Veemon not sure what to do or say until an idea hit him. Using the statue head as a "helmet" he put on his head and talked in a really deep voice. 

"You betcha I woke up!" Veemon lied.

"Well then, fetch Sora," Gennai ordered.

"Okee dokey, I'm going right now to fetch Sora!" Veemon said as he stumbled backward. Veemon took off the statue head and started worrying.

"Oh man, if they find out I broke the statue they'll kill me!" Veemon said in a scared voice, "Think Veemon, think!" It was cricket that helped Veemon spark an idea. He chirped, "Sora is near the training camp,"

"Training camp!" Veemon exclaimed. "That's it! I'll take Sora to battle and make her a war hero in which the gods would like very much and then they make me guardian god again!" Veemon squealed. "What you want to come too? Well stay home and stay put!" Veemon ordered as he turned around and traveled in the direction in which Sora went. Cricket just couldn't stay put; he just had to follow Veemon.

Pretty good huh? Okay here's what YOU have to do, just REVIEW! Another thing, does the story seem somewhat familiar? Okay so I admit, I BORROWED the parts form PRIDE AND LOVE WITHOUT MYSTICJADE'S PERMISSION! DEAR GOD I'M SORRY! Just to kiss and make with her I will unravel the next couple! Kouyako! Gomen! (Japanese for sorry!) Until then review, another thing, please, please come here often! I don't how to stress this! Another thing in your review please tell me you WILL COME HERE OFTEN! Thank You! Now Review! I made friends with the Dark Masters if you don't review and we will pay you a little visit if you don't review… 


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